Unfinished

              It hit me today, why we never finish anything.  And we never really will.  I am destined to never get my “to do” list done, ever.  I finally faced it, the truth.  No one ever finishes everything. 

               But there is One who did, and does, finish all that He sets his hand to do.  “It is finished,” He said.  And it is not just a claim, it is a reality.  All is complete in Christ. 

                He finishes things so that I don’t have to strive for perfect completeness in my life.  Amazing.  He says, “Let me take that.  Let me carry that for you.  It is too much.  You need Me.”  His love and care for me is not conditional upon my completion of certain tasks.  Like someone reminded me today, God likes me; He even loves me, just as I am.

                Somewhere, somehow, we got this idea that security, success, peace, and rest come from finishing tasks.  The more we finish in a day the better.  We race against the clock.  We check off our mental “to do” list and we feel good about crossing things off.  Completion.  Just look at what I did today! 

                Why do we long for completion?  What drives us?  Do we get some kind of “high” from getting stuff done?  Or is this really all about control?  What do we long for?

                We make plans and we take on tasks that we have a desire to complete.  Some are good and some are not so good and some are just plain not necessary.  But, we drive ourselves to finish.  Finishing something is not bad.  But when finishing no matter what becomes our goal, we have a game change.  What if things do not go as planned?  What then?  How do I react? 

             I am learning to gauge my days, not by what I get done, but by how I respond to what comes my way – did I gut it out, get annoyed, whine and complain, or did I go with the flow, switch gears, and thank God for the day? And did I live in each moment, embracing even the problems and interruptions, and the push back from other people?  Did I know and believe that God has created this day and He foreknew all that would happen? Do I believe that He allowed every event and difficulty to take place, just to show me more of Him?  Did I remind myself to rely on His completeness and to be thankful for His love and acceptance of me in the face of my inability to do everything? 

            When I do tasks for the Lord and ask Him to bless what I am doing for Him, I am often weary and irritable and waiting for others to notice what I have done for God.  But when I work with the Lord and follow His lead, it is all grace and I am not anxious.  I am ok with my humble situation.  I am resting in God’s provision for me and I am reaching out to others.  There is not a whole lot of room left for me to get my way!  This is Christ in me…

              So, I am trying to work in the moments that I am given each day.  I do not know what I will accomplish or get done each day.  Only God knows.  I do have goals that I set and I do have things that need to get done. But, very few, if any, are ever completed by the close of each day, and that is becoming more and more, ok.   In Him we live and move and have our being, not in the list of things that are accomplished that day.  

              If my worth is found in checking off a task, then most days would be a waste and a failure.  God does not intend for me to live just so I can “do stuff”.  He created me to worship and glorify Him in the middle of my half-finished, messy, life.  Glorify Him, not the completion of a task.  He even gives me this precious promise, that all He has begun in me, He will one day bring it to completion. 

                So when I saw my “garage turned library” project begun well over a year ago finally reach a decent level of completion, an all too familiar feeling returned.  Just as my “project done!” high was leaving, the “oh now I need to take care of…” low settled over me.  Like a PEZ candy dispenser, my mental “to do” list reminded me of the next task to be done right after I had finished the one at the top of the list. What I thought would give me rest didn’t pay off.  What had hung over my head for years was replaced by another task that had to be done. And it sent me into a tail spin.  I floundered for several weeks, mentally and sometimes literally wringing my hands.  How will I ever get everything done? It’s just never going to stop!  I was at a loss; I could find no rest for my weary soul.

                Then, one night, my husband took my hands in his and prayed for me.  I do not remember all of what he prayed, except for one phrase.  For Your glory.  And like a cool breeze to an overheated and exhausted soul, the anxiety began to subside.  I was not seeking God’s glory in all I was doing, I was seeking my own.  I knew instantly the idol of my heart.  I believed that by completing something I needed to finish, I could control it and use it for what I wanted, and that the completed task would result in a more peaceful and tranquil life for me.

                The Lover of my Soul wanted me to feel the life sapping heat of holding that completed task in my hands and worshiping it.  I became disgusted with it.  I was idolizing a garage with some book shelves in it!  Not quite a golden calf, but it brought about a very similar effect.  And so, I have begun to pray this, Lord, let my rest be found in You alone.

                The prophet Isaiah gave the people of Israel this hope in the midst of their own idolatry. “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” But, Isaiah also knew the people’s hearts, “But you were unwilling, and you said, “No! We will flee upon horses…We will ride upon swift steeds”.  I too was running as fast as my little extra snippets of time would allow me to run.  I shall finish this garage, make it my own, and use it to make my life better. And I did.  And the rest I wanted never came, and my life was not better.  I became angry when my idol did not give me what I wanted. I had no rest for my soul.

                  But God, who knows my frame, began to break through. Just like in the time of Isaiah, God pursued me.  “Therefore your pursuers shall be swift.  A thousand shall flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five you shall flee, till you are left like a flagstaff on the top of a mountain, like a signal on a hill.”  And as I felt the harsh weather atop the solitary mountain of my “finished garage”, God showed me mercy in holding up a mirror to my heart.  I began to be still and wait for Him.  “Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.” 

                 I need to remember that my longings for a life that I can control like the temperature dial on my thermostat will never be.  The temptation to do what I can for just a little taste of that control can be so subtle. Even in an organized garage, a cleaned out pantry, a squeaky clean set of twins, or a week’s worth of lesson plans completed, I have a choice to find my rest and peace in a fleeting moment or in Christ. 

                You see, I have no lasting city here.  The place in which all will remain is coming for me.  The small adversities and temptations in this life only make Heaven clearer.  There, in that eternal city, I will know and feel and live in completeness, all of my days.  The trials of this life, that only cause me to return to God, will flee away.  My crying will cease.  My joy will remain. “For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.  Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold-plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, “Be gone!”

                My garage is still there, and it has been kept pretty clean and tidy.  There are days when I have no problem saying to my garage, “Be gone!”  But, the garage is not the problem; it is my idol producing heart.  I have a clearer vision now for why we have a newly organized garage.  It exists for others and for Another, not for my “life of ease”.  May God be glorified and may people encounter Jesus in our garage, be it messy or clean, organized or not. And I am learning to release myself from more and more expectations, knowing that all He requires of me is “that I feel my need of Him.”  This I know “He will give me”, because He wants to be worshiped without any other rivals. And so my wandering heart prays, Let it be so, Lord.  Let it be so. Amen.

(All Isaiah passages are from Isaiah 30 ESV.)

~Your Fellow Sojourner

Come, Ye Sinners

1. Come, ye sinners, poor and wretched,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus, ready, stands to save you,
Full of pity, joined with power.
He is able, He is able;
He is willing; doubt no more.

2. Come ye needy, come, and welcome,
God's free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.
Without money, without money
Come to Jesus Christ and buy.

3. Come, ye weary, heavy laden,
Bruised and broken by the fall;
If you tarry 'til you're better,
You will never come at all.
Not the righteous, not the righteous;
Sinners Jesus came to call.

4. Let not conscience make you linger,
Nor of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.
This He gives you, this He gives you,
'Tis the Spirit's rising beam.

5. Lo! The Incarnate God, ascended;
Pleads the merit of His blood.
Venture on Him; venture wholly,
Let no other trust intrude.
None but Jesus, none but Jesus
Can do helpless sinners good.

By Joseph Hart