In Remembrance and Returning, Part One: In Remembrance

      Many people are looking forward to returning to a life free of the recent Covid-19 restrictions.  We have all been affected by the virus, but no two people have been affected in the same way.  Everyone has their own story, their memories of this time. We have all had hard and fearful moments, as well as the encouraging and victorious ones.  Yet our commonality is in a future that will never be the same.  Our world is going through change, and with this change there are many anxious hearts.    

We have been sheltering within our homes even as a plague has passed us by.  This reminds us of another time when people gathered in homes to await the passing of deadly pestilence.  The Passover commemorates a time when God’s people prepared to leave a life of slavery in order to enter a land of promise.  

But, this was no ordinary exit.  The rescuing, redeeming God of Israel directed the exodus of His people in a particular way, that they might learn something about Him and remember this deliverance. 

The preparation involved a symbolic meal, full of tangible tastes and smells that pointed to a Savior.  The lamb shank reminds us of the sacrifices made on the night that God passed over, the bitter herbs taste of the bitterness of slavery that the Jewish people endured, and in the matzah bread, the leaven of slavery and sin is left behind, looking to the promise of freedom.  

We too have been called into a home to gather and to wait, to prepare for a time when we will take what we need for a journey, a journey of life giving freedom.  We have a reason to stop and remember.  We are a people that have been healed and we long to express our thanksgiving to the Passover Lamb.  We want to pause and remember, for we will tell this story again and again.  How was this time different from all others? 

As our families make preparations to leave our homes, we need to remember what God has done.  In His great love He has spared our lives, both physically and spiritually.  We have done nothing to earn this grace; we can only marvel at God’s provision and protection. 

       We know that we will soon be called to step into our world again. There are things that we are longing to do, places where we are longing to be, and people we are longing to be close to again. We have an unprecedented opportunity, to re-enter our culture, our neighborhoods and our workplaces with clarified vision.  This can be a time of renewal and of worship as we make ready to rise and walk through our blood stained doorposts.  

         As we return and remember, may we find both rest from our anxieties and strength for our future.  May we go out in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, in the love of God and in the fellowship of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

In Remembrance and Thanksgiving, 

Your Fellow Sojourner

The following is a worship resource to help you craft your own night of Remembrance and Thanksgiving in your home as you prepare to re-enter the world outside: (You may also contact me and I will send it to you.)
Poem: "Coronavirus and Christ"  - A poem by John Piper that can be incorporated into your time of remembering.

A Liturgy for Remembrance and Thanksgiving

You may light a candle as you begin your prayer.

Call to Prayer: Leader Prays

Our help is in the name of the Lord, the maker of Heaven and earth.  We have come to remember your goodness, your sacrifice and your gracious, pardoning love.  We want to remember how You have saved us, led us, and are calling us to return to You and give you all praise and thanksgiving. Amen. 

A Reminder of Why We Pray: Leader Reads

Tonight is not like any other night.  Tonight we stop and remember what has happened as a result of the Covid-19 Pandemic.  On March 11th, the pandemic was declared a world wide threat.  Our lives were changed from that moment on, yet God is faithful.  He has remained the same. As He was in the beginning, so He will remain both now and forevermore, Lord of all.  Just as the leper who was healed returned to thank Jesus for his healing, so we turn now to remember and to give thanks.  Let us pray.

Confession of Sin: Leader Reads

Our help is in the Name of the Lord; Let us confess our sins to God.

(This can be a time of personal confession, either aloud or quietly to one’s self.)  

Leader closes time of confession with the following prayer:

Almighty God, our heavenly Father: We have sinned against you, through our own fault, in thought, and word, and deed, and in what we have left undone. For the sake of your Son our Lord Jesus Christ, forgive us all our offenses; and grant that we may serve you in newness of life, to the glory of your Name. Amen.

May the Almighty God grant us forgiveness of all our sins, and the grace and comfort of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Reading in the Psalms: You may appoint a reader, invite everyone to read aloud, or read in turn.

Psalm 66

1 

Shout for joy to God, all the earth!

2 

    Sing the glory of his name;

    make his praise glorious.

3 

Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!

    So great is your power

    that your enemies cringe before you.

4 

All the earth bows down to you;

    they sing praise to you,

    they sing the praises of your name.”

5 

Come and see what God has done,

    his awesome deeds for mankind!

6 

He turned the sea into dry land,

    they passed through the waters on foot—

    come, let us rejoice in him.

7 

He rules forever by his power,

    his eyes watch the nations—

    let not the rebellious rise up against him.

8 

Praise our God, all peoples,

    let the sound of his praise be heard;

9 

he has preserved our lives

    and kept our feet from slipping.

10 

For you, God, tested us;

    you refined us like silver.

11 

You brought us into prison

    and laid burdens on our backs.

12 

You let people ride over our heads;

    we went through fire and water,

    but you brought us to a place of abundance.

13 

I will come to your temple with burnt offerings

    and fulfill my vows to you—

14 

vows my lips promised and my mouth spoke

    when I was in trouble.

15 

I will sacrifice fat animals to you

    and an offering of rams;

    I will offer bulls and goats.

16 

Come and hear, all you who fear God;

    let me tell you what he has done for me.

17 

I cried out to him with my mouth;

    his praise was on my tongue.

18 

If I had cherished sin in my heart,

    the Lord would not have listened;

19 

but God has surely listened

    and has heard my prayer.

20 

Praise be to God,

    who has not rejected my prayer

    or withheld his love from me!

Psalm 67

1 

May God be gracious to us and bless us

    and make his face shine on us—

2 

so that your ways may be known on earth,

    your salvation among all nations.

3 

May the peoples praise you, God;

    may all the peoples praise you.

4 

May the nations be glad and sing for joy,

    for you rule the peoples with equity

    and guide the nations of the earth.

5 

May the peoples praise you, God;

    may all the peoples praise you.

6 

The land yields its harvest;

    God, our God, blesses us.

7 

May God bless us still,

    so that all the ends of the earth will fear him.

Thanksgiving to God: Leader reads

(This can be used as a time of giving thanks for what God has taught us and what He has delivered us from during the pandemic. )

Accept, O Lord, our thanks and praise for all that you have done for us. 

(Now can be a time of giving public thanksgiving to God as a reflection of His goodness, love and care during this pandemic. The Leader may than close with the following:)

We thank you for the wonder of life and all that it holds. We thank you for the blessing of family and friends, and for their loving care which surrounds us.  We thank you for how You satisfy us and delight us with good things.  Furthermore, we thank you for those disappointments and failures that lead us to acknowledge our dependence upon your mercies alone.  We thank you for Your constant care and protection.  Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ; for the truth of his Word and the example of his life; for his steadfast obedience, by which he overcame temptation; for his dying, through which he overcame death; and for his rising to life again, in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom.  Grant us the gift of your Spirit, that we may know him and make him known; and through him, at all times and in all places, may give thanks to you in all things. Amen.

Prayers of Dedication and Service: All may read aloud together:

A Prayer of Self-Dedication:

Almighty and eternal God, so draw our hearts to you, so guide our minds, so fill our imaginations, so control our wills, that we may be wholly yours, utterly dedicated unto you; and then use us, we pray you, as you will, and always to your glory and the welfare of your people; through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

A Prayer of Service, by St. Francis:

Lord, make us instruments of your peace. Where there is hatred, let us sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy. Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

Commissioning: Leader prays over the household

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35-39

“Now may the God of peace Himself, sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit, body, and soul be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He who calls you is faithful and he will surely do it.” 1 Thess. 5: 23-24

Blow the candle out and rise to sing.

Now you may sing a hymn or the Doxology (“Great is Thy Faithfulness”, “Blessed Is The One”, “Abide With Me”, “Amazing Grace” or any other song or hymn your family has particularly cherished during this time.)

So What Do We Do Now?

         None of our expectations are met 100% of the time.  We are interrupted every day and our plans often change, causing us to switch gears quickly.  Because we are a people that love control, we generally do not like change, especially sudden change.  When big changes or interruptions occur what do we do?  How do we cope? 

    Elizabeth Elliot has some good old fashioned advice for what to do when change comes, just do the next thing.  When interruptions come, our normal routines can save us.  When we have a normal rhythm to life, a routine that we can just fall into, we do not have to wonder at what we should be doing next.  

These daily routines can provide a comfort and help with what to do when our hearts are anxious and our thoughts are scattered.  Just doing the next thing gives us a productive direction; we see that life still continues with its necessary work and patterns.  It's like bringing your emotions and your mind back to a resting heart rate after a disruptive jolt.  

We are living in an unprecedented time, when our entire country and much of the world is having to change their regular daily habits for an unknown length of time due to the threat of the Coronavirus.  Our kids have questions, Chris and I have questions, yet we do not stop living our lives.  We continue to do what we normally do along with the exceptions that have been imposed on us due to the threat of this virus.  Some of our normal outings and gatherings have been canceled and so we are anticipating more time at home. 

World War II: Family at home in England. 

Some of my children have asked me what we are going to do now? I told them that we will continue to do what we normally do as a family but we will have more time together at home.  We will not be living like every day is a perpetual lazy Saturday morning.  We will cook and clean, do our school work and yes, we will have more time to be with one another, for better or worse.  But we have a rhythm, a hum in our home that we follow.  We know what to do next. 

There is great purpose in our work and great comfort in our rhythms.  If all that we do is to bring glory to God, then we should not question or wonder if washing the dishes or solving math problems or taking out the trash is worthy of our time.  The rhythmal heartbeat of our homes have great worth.  

This collective slowing down of our culture could help us to recover the beauty of normal rhythms in our homes. Interruptions happen so often that we do not know what the next thing to do should be, we are so used to coming and going that we have fallen into the new norm of rushing off to the next event or appointment.  We have become a collective society of dogs chasing after squirrels. 

Each family has a calling and commissioning unique unto to itself.  Let us go to the One who brought us together into families and ask Him, what are we to be doing in and through our homes?  How should we be living our lives together? We need to find our internal heartbeat again.

Brother Lawrence had a mission, a heartbeat for his every day life.  He learned that no matter the nature of the task before him, it could and should be done in and with the presence of God.  Brother Lawerence observed that “men invent means and methods of coming at God's love, they learn rules and set up devices to remind them of that love, and it seems like a world of trouble to bring oneself into the consciousness of God's presence. Yet it might be so simple. Is it not quicker and easier just to do our common business wholly for the love of him?"

    Is our every day routine done in the loving presence of God?  We can start small and ask the Lord to help us to put the first things first and in so doing, worship the Lord in the every day moments of our lives.  We have a liturgy that we follow in our homes whether we realize it our not.  

How would you describe your home-life liturgy?  What is your pattern of living and moving and being?  Do we have times of reading and listening to the Word? Do we have times to pray to the Lord and to pray for one another?  Do we have time to rest and meditate in the day or time to sing and listen to song?  Do we have time to share a meal together? Do we have opportunity to bless one another?  Are we feeding our own souls so as to better feed those around us? 

Chris and I have some steps that we have taken that have helped us to keep the main things the main things in our home. By establishing a regular pattern in our lives we can better identify the external things that threaten to reset our family's internal pulse. We have written down a vision and mission statement for our family.  When we are unsure about how to use our time, our vision and mission statement helps us to make decisions.  We eat dinner together every night that we are home.  We endeavor to have a time of Bible reading and prayer in the morning with whoever is here and we endeavor to have a time of Bible reading and prayer a couple of evenings each week.  We go offline for 24 hours every Saturday night.  Sundays are sacred - we go to church.  This is the scaffolding of our week.  Everything else fits in and around these foundational elements.  Having a basic regular plan helps to eliminate the emotional and spiritual fatigue that can come with the constant onslaught of options to fill up our time.  These norms help to establish an atmosphere wherein we can practice the presence of God with more consistency and peace. 

Home, Sweet Home by Walter Dendy Sadler

Just as making a home more useful and hospitable comes with living in the house for a while, understanding what your daily and weekly rhythms should look like comes with living as a family for a little while.  Eventually it becomes clear what the needs of the family are, then we turn to the Lord for help with how to meet our needs for ministry, work and rest.  

None of this purposeful living will remain over time by gutting it out and forcing change.  We desperately need God’s grace for real change to take hold.  Let us humbly ask God’s will, knowing that God gives grace to the humble.  We know we cannot do anything except by the spirit of the Lord.  No might nor power will save us from our bad habits and patterns.  Freedom comes by trusting the Spirit of the Lord and by following His leading for our homes.  In this individualistic society, we stumble and fall into selfish isolation all too often, missing out on the blessings that come from regular worshipful practices within our communities and families.  And so we pray along with the Psalmist, “Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands; yes, establish the work of our hands!” Ps. 90:17

 ~ Your Fellow Sojourner

Hold On

         Have you ever cried so hard you couldn’t see?  You were literally blinded by your tears. Our emotions can overwhelm and overtake us.  They can be more powerful than anything you can imagine. The Christian is not exempt from these overwhelming feelings.  

God calls the Christian to a life of great paradox.  In this life there will be sorrow but joy will come in the morning. I am called by God to let go of my life in this world, to lose it, that I might gain a better and more lasting one. I am also called to give up those that I love, even my own children.  This is hard, and that is an understatement.  

I am a stay at home mother of five.  I have not worked outside of the home for nineteen years.  Home is my hub and I have given my life’s energy to the love, care and nurturing of my children.  Yet, if I were to care for them and serve them only for them to live their lives a certain way,  I would turn them into possessions, controlling and manipulating them.  This is not love. They are their own people, created by God in His image to go and live the life that God has planned for them.  This means that they may not make choices that I would agree with or that would meet with my approval.  They must go out, away from me into the world.  But, they go out with many, many seeds having been sown into their hearts and minds.  These seeds carry the radical life changing gospel of Jesus.   

When gospel seeds sprout and grow, eternal truths come alive in the heart. These kernels of life-giving grace cannot help but bring about powerful change.  This is a mysterious transaction, only accomplished through the Spirit of God.

Sower With Setting Sun  by Vincent Van Gogh

         A sower’s work can be sapped of all love and joy if his eyes are only on the outcome of his sowing.  If a sower sits down in the dirt and watches over the seeds he plants, willing them to grow, he is a fool.  Any farmer will tell you, you plan, you plant the best seed you can, you fertilize and protect it and then you wait.  That is all that a sower can do.  The power of life is in the seed not the sower.  No one knows the particulars of how and when a seed will grow. But seeds can surprise you.  

A few years ago I threw out some rotting ornamental gourds that I had used for decoration.  Unbeknownst to me these rotting gourds found a fertile place to produce more gourds.  The next summer and fall a crazy looking vine began to grow from underneath my porch.  Completely unaided and unplanned, this vine produced beautiful ornamental gourds for several years.  Like my gourd vine, the gospel does crazy, surprising things.  

When I was a young woman of 22, Chris and I spent a week in Mexico.  One afternoon I attempted to share the gospel with a small group of people in a shady plaza.  I read off of a tract in halting broken Spanish and then pleaded with my translator to help me.  It was not a stellar gospel presentation.  The small group that had gathered to listen didn’t seem too impressed.  After I was finished and was turning to leave, an excited young mother came up to me and grabbed my arm.  She was pleading with me to stay and talk with her.  My translator explained that she had been standing behind me listening intently to everything I had said.  She told me that she believed what I was sharing about Jesus.  She wanted to know how to be a Christian and what she should do.  After I closed my gaping mouth, I asked the translator to help her connect with a local church.  The young woman hugged me and went off with joy in her step. God had placed me there to scatter the seed of the gospel, the power was not in my knowledge or ability!!  I sowed, He brought forth the harvest and Christ received the glory. 

In the Rye Field by Vassily Maximov

       I have often wondered if all that I am doing is enough.  What if I look back and no one is affected by my life?  What if I am throwing all of my seed into the wind?  

And my answer is, yes, that may be what happens.  I may look back and see people I love and care for walking in their own selfish path apart from the Lord.  I may see a lot of sorrow and pain.  I may not see many plants grow, bud and produce fruit.  Therefore, I must widen my lens. 

God is jealous for His own glory and will not share it with another.   Everywhere that I have walked and sown seed is from God.  He gives me what I have in my hand to do and who I have in my life to love.  He shows forth His love and power to save, change and heal, not me.  I have sown in sorrow, deep sorrow.  I have walked off of the field and prayed and hoped to see seeds turn into life. But this sorrow is not meant to last. There is a joy yet to come. 

Paul, that amazing missionary church planter says, “I planted… but God gave the growth.  So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.”I Cor. 3:6-7  This is our role, to plant not to produce life.  But does God care for the sorrowful sower?  

Christ’s heart was broken for His own people. “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!”Matt. 23:37  Paul also shares his own sorrowful heart, “I am speaking the truth in Christ, I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit, that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.  For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen.”Romans 9:1-3

         Christ and Paul sowed seed with sorrow in their hearts, but they did so out of a great and powerful hope.  They treasured a promise.  “Jesus said, Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands with persecutions, and in the age to come, eternal life.” Mark 10:29-30  The gospel sower gains an eternal family even as he or she loses a natural one.  One day I will see just how grand and amazing my family is! 

Two Peasant Women Digging in a Field With Snow by Vincent Van Gogh

Last week I sat in a pew with about 20 other people, all of different ages, backgrounds and family origins.  Nothing drew us together but Christ and His grace.  We are all gospel sowers, hoping to go and plant seeds that will sprout and grow in another’s heart.  Like Paul and like Christ, we go out carrying seed to sow and we hope and pray for a harvest to reap, first within our own homes and then out in the streets and towns.  We all have questions, fears and anxieties that we struggle with; we sow sorrowfully.

We come together to remind one another of the great things that God has done in us and for us, the things that gladden our heavy hearts.  We remind one another that the one, “who sows in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!  He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.” Psalm 126:5-6  One day I will stand in amazement at what God has wrought, leaving all of my wildest dreams and prayers in the dust.  

      The days may seem long and hard, but my gray hair, slowing gait and weakening eye sight are here.  It won’t be long before I too will see all that God is doing in the broadest, most eternal sense.  I need to renew my grip on the gospel plow even as I pray for a joy that cuts through the sorrow.  I am praying for Christ and His Spirit to fuel my steps as I plow through the rain and cold, the heat and rock hard ground. I don’t need anything for my journey, not the love and praise of family or friends, nor the false fulfillment of this world. I need the sweet freedom to love and sing and sow beyond this natural world and into the next. So fellow sojourning sower, keep your eyes on the prize. God is the One who has called you to sow, plant and water the good seed that He has given to you.  God’s purposes are ripening fast, hold on.

~ Your Fellow Sojourner

Medic At Midnight

           For most of my childhood our neighbors were boys.  So, I played with the boys.  They would seek me out early on Saturday mornings and during the long summer months.  They liked to throw balls, play with dirt, shoot cap guns, race on bikes and play war games.  I went along with their ideas until they became more aggressive.  Occasionally we would compromise by playing house or Indians in the woods.  Pick up kickball and softball games were always a favorite.  I must admit, I really enjoyed hitting home runs and beating the boys in races.  I was taller and a year or two older than all of them, thereby giving me an advantage, for a while.  

Then there came a day when the dirt bombs came out.  I was completely unprepared and caught off guard.  As a mother of boys, I get it.  I am sure they had been plotting their revenge for years.  We will beat her at something one day - just wait and see.  

One morning I came out to play and I was hit by a hard ball of dirt.  It hurt, and there was no apology.  In fact there was laughter, even as more dirt clod missiles were being launched in my direction.  I was bewildered.  What happened?  I left and went into the house. 
From then on it was war, and they wanted my full participation.  I fell for their assurances that “no one would get hurt.”  But soon I realized that this aggressive competitiveness was the new norm.  

My two younger sisters were great playmates if we were acting out our own version of American Idol or playing with Strawberry Shortcake dolls.  But, I wanted to play outside.  I couldn’t avoid the boys forever.  I needed to come up with a strategy.  How to play with the boys but not be a mercenary.  That’s when I thought of Clara Barton.  

I had a fascination with Clara Barton and Florence Nightingale.  My daughter has said many times that she would be a nurse if she were alive during one of the World Wars.  I understand.  I felt the same way.  

Snap the Whip by Winslow Homer

So, the next time the boys came calling I strode out and laid out my conditions.  I would be the Red Cross.  They were skeptical at first but agreed to give my idea a try.  So when neighborhood war broke out they carried their wounded to the Red Cross nurse hiding in the shade of the crepe myrtle bush on the side of our house.  I would asses the situation, apply a tourniquet or administer “medicine” - completely pretend of course, I had seen the Mr. Yuck commercials!  I would then give them my advice for the best way to sneak through enemy lines on their way back to home base.  I realized I had found my neighborhood calling.  As an 11 year old, I was nurturing and counseling my friends, even if it was in a pretend game.  

Fast forward almost 35 years.  I am not playing war games with the boys in the neighborhood anymore, but I am living through my own daily fray.  The shots start firing early in the morning, and I am still seeking refuge late at night.  I am a woman who nurtures and cares and provides and councils from sun up to sun down.  I have to keep my head about me and remember where I am.  I face bombardments, low supplies, and unclear information on a regular basis. 

         Like any war time nurse, I know where I am needed.  I have held the hand of my husband late at night when painful memories come back to him, I have found the last bit of chocolate to assuage my son’s hurt feelings, I have washed and scoured more bed linens than I can count, I have stayed up late at night reading about how to help the wounded heal and I have dropped what I am doing when the siren calls.  

Night of the Annual Bombardment by Michele Taber

Like other war time medics, I catch sleep when I can, I cry into my hands as I recall the pain I have witnessed, and I live on automatic.  I sit on edge, waiting for my name to be called.  I come running, not knowing what I may find.  Will I be ready?  Will I have what I need to help?  Will I be able to put someone else’s needs before my own?  Somehow I am always there and somehow I find a way to help.  But none of this is by my own power.  I know where my help comes from.    
But unlike real life medics and military nurses, I watch out for the spiritual care of others more than the physical.  I am there to nurture and nurse souls.  I listen to people’s hearts, hold hands, share out of what I have lived and read and know about the Helper.  I get things wrong.  I can gut it out and make wrong decisions, wearying and burdening myself in ways I don’t need to be. 

       And so, I need to live in verses like “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Mt. 11:28  

and “⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, ⁷ casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7. 

And "Have you not known? Have you not heard?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. ²⁹  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. ³⁰  Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; ³¹  but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Is. 40: 28-31. 

And "For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” Jer.31:25

Like the medic at midnight, I need some time alone to pray and cry and praise with open hands, to be filled by God Himself.  He fills those who come thirsty and empty with good rich food, food that satisfies the soul.  All I need is found in Him.  I have tried other, lesser loves, and they pale in comparison.  A. W. Tozer says, “without doubt we have suffered the loss of many spiritual treasures because we have let slip the simple truth that the miracle of the perpetuation of life is in God… that life is not God’s gift only, but His very self.” -The Pursuit of Man.  

I Look to the Hills from Whence Cometh My Help, collage, by Nimmi Hutnik

I, you, all of us need His very self. This is how we become beautiful. The godly women of old became beautiful as they hoped in God.  They came to the Lord in all of their need, to be filled with the sustaining power of God.  There is no greater beauty than to fear the Lord, to surrender to His ways and let Him love us, even as He makes us more like Himself. He gives us life out of His own.  All things come from Him and through Him.  

We do not need to fear the terror of night nor the arrow that flies at mid day.  We can rise and go when called for, for we dwell and live and abide in a shelter, the Lord Almighty Himself.  

~ Your Fellow Sojourner

On the Receiving End

           I have a friend who likes to say, “Its a Christmas miracle!”  Its fun and it makes me smile.  But right now I would have to characterize this year as a Christmas whirlwind.  I have been on a treadmill of activities.  

          I really do enjoy Christmas.  I love everything about it, the lights, the music, the wonder.  But I am fighting fatigue and being overwhelmed with it all.  

         Eighteen years ago we were expecting my daughter on Christmas Day.  It was during that Christmas season that I began to really identify with characters in the Christmas story. Don’t even get me started on what “Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song)” would do to me! 

           I like to imagine where I would fit into the story. It never grows old for me.  It has everything a good story needs.  The world in need of rescue, the hopelessness of the downtrodden, the evil king and his minions, angels, prophecies fulfilled, hope realized and newness of life.  

This year I feel like the shepherd who never gets a night off or the busy inn keeper’s wife.  I have been too busy, too preoccupied.  I have been at my wits end, worn out and barely hanging on. 

Winter Landscape, 1909 (Oil on Canvas), by Wassily Kandinsky

           Somehow I have kept going; the awe and wonder of Christmas is starting to grow for me. Every day small gifts lift my spirit and put a new song in my mouth.  Maybe you can relate.  

The hug from the woman who is busier than me, the child who is truly thankful for Christmas lights, the words of the Christmas song that speak right to my anxiousness, the beauty all around me, the tin of cookies, the pots of chile, the unexpected show tickets and the babysitting ~ they have all brought me to tears.  With every gift of grace I hear the invitation to come and adore Him. I sense someone saying to me, “Hey!  Unto YOU a child is born! Come and see Him!”  He is the One who orchestrates every good gift and every grace in my life, even the ones that are a part of the hard and difficult.  

My mother in law is still fighting cancer, our bank account is still barely making it, my relationships still need work, my heart is learning forgiveness and I need to let go of control.  I am very much in need of grace.

          So, this year I am not looking at the Christmas story from the eyes of mother Mary or the searching wisemen. I am the anxious and needy one on the periphery. It is uncomfortable, but it has a purpose.  In my vulnerability I have an important role to play.  I am on the receiving end of grace and it moves me to thanksgiving and praise. Even as I am blessed, I become a blessing.  Just as one leper returned to thank his Healer, so I bow my humble spirit before the Healer of my soul and say thank you for every gift.  He knows what I need even before I ask Him.

One of the most precious gifts I have received this season came from an old friend I had not seen in a while.  She held me and told me that she had nothing but love in her heart toward me.  She told me that she was all about healing. As we talked underneath a cold dark sky, God was healing a deep hurt in my heart. The Prince of Peace was bringing life and light to me, with healing in His wings.

So, as the calendar pages continue to turn and Christmas and the New Year approaches, I am giving all of us a gift of grace.  Let these words from Jude sink in and let there be peace in your heart today.  “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy,  to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”

Grace and Peace, 

Your Fellow Sojourner

If the Shoe Doesn't Fit

        Last week I found some awesome boots in my closet. Shoes do not come easily to me.  My left foot is clubbed with zero arch and I have degenerative tendinitis in the same foot.  My right knee can be problematic and sensitive as well, due to my favoring it when I walk. For me to find the right shoe is like finding the holy grail of foot wear.  

I was hoping the boots still felt good enough to wear.  I picked them up and thought, man these feel so soft!  I got my foot about eight inches into the boot and stopped.  I laughed out loud.  They didn’t belong to me!  I had forgotten that I had been keeping the boots for a friend that had left them at our home. Her feet are much smaller than mine.  Love the boots, but they were not made for me. They look great on her, but they would cause me great physical pain. I could only wear those boots in my dreams. 

Wet Feet by Jessie Wilcox Smith

I find myself daydreaming about things I would like to have, things that would make my life so much better. These thoughts are creeping in somehow.  Is it because we are living in an age when the image is king?  Is it because I have been fighting discontentment for years and I am just so tired of the fight?  I am not sure.  But I am aware of these thoughts and I don’t like them. 

We all long for the peaceful, contented life. We want to live well.  In November, we are reminded that we ought to be living the grateful life. We, of all people, should have so much to be thankful for, we are Americans after all. But I am afraid we must face an unpleasant fact, we are a covetous people.  We feel that we are missing out somehow.  We feel the lack of something, whatever it may be, and it does not feel good. 

        One of the most centered, peaceful people I have ever known is my grandfather.  He moved through life with a peaceful purpose. He had a secret.  He had seen difficulty and he had experienced loss yet he wanted to live fully.  He was not too interested in what others were doing or what they thought of him. He lived a life that invited others into it. I know it brought him joy when others sought to learn from him.  Most of his life could be characterized by the same pattern of work, day in and day out.  I didn’t know too much about his devotional life, but I know he had one.  He noticed people’s needs and he prayed for them.  He read his Bible faithfully. He knew the importance of a gospel community and he was a part of one.  He had a center to his life that propelled him forward.  I am sure he missed some things in life that he could have and should have done, but he did not live condemned. 

I observed dedicated devotion in my grandfather and a peace that ushered forth from it. He wanted other people to live their lives with as much purpose and intent as he did.  He liked hearing about your goals and your going after them, your plan. I too want to rejoice in the good things that I am seeing and experiencing around me. I want to focus on all of the good that has been showered down upon me. I don’t want the things of this world to overshadow the real and the good.  

The Milkmaid by Johannes Vermeer

       We move from blessing to blessing, and from grace to grace, while we miss out on the wonder of life.  All of our hardship, pain, and loneliness is just as much a part of our blessings. In times when all we can do is close our eyes, hang on, and pray that we don’t get swept away, our souls are on a learning curve; our metal is being tested.  

          We have a guarantee that even in the face of death, we shall come out as gold. “now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,  so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7.  

I saw my grandfather on the day of his final fiery trial, the hottest furnace of all, when we pass from this life into the next.  He could not choose how or when he would go, but he had to go, he was compelled to go.  He stepped into the fire and felt its heat, but he emerged a changed man. The fire had burned all of the dross away. He was clothed in a righteousness and peace that could not be taken away from him.  It was not procured by his own hand or his own obedience, but by the love of his Savior.   

     Helen Lemmel reminds us that if our souls are weary and troubled and darkness is all around, we need to look at the Savior, where life is more abundant and free. When we are weary, it is to the Word we must go, to His presence, to His song, to His voice.  If we do not turn our eyes to Jesus, then we will turn our thoughts to the world. We will be discontent, longing for what is just beyond our reach. 

We desire to live beyond what we see and feel here, we want to live in the knowledge that Christ, and all of His goodness, outshines and out gives anything this world could offer. We should not be ashamed of the life that is centered on Christ. All of His promises are yes and Amen. It is in my life with Christ that I find my joy. It is here that my soul returns again for hope, for a fresh baptism into all satisfying truth in the face of Jesus.  

I laughed at the hope I had in the cute leather boots.  They were cute, but they were fashioned for someone else to wear.  We may look at others and see something that we believe will help us to live more fulfilling lives, but we must be careful.  We may be longing for something that was never meant for us and it could make us quite ugly.  We may be wasting our time and thoughts on something that is not a part of our story, that just won’t work.  

Stop and think, what goodness has the Lord been showing you? We can agree with the Psalmist that the Lord has chosen our portion and our cup.  Our lot has fallen in pleasant places.  Our inheritance is beautiful. We have not gazed enough upon the beauty of the Lord.  We have lost the beatific vision that galvanizes us to something greater, to where our hearts belong. Augustine was right, we will be  restless until we find our rest in Christ. 

Christ in the House of Martha and Mary by Johannes Vermeer

We may not physically see Him, but our hearts love Him.  Isn’t it wonderful to run after what our hearts were made for?  In Him our souls are secure and we have fullness of joy.  Let the world wonder and watch.  Let them see us long for and run after the Lover of our souls.  We, who have tasted that the Lord is good, and know that we are accepted by God through Christ, are being beckoned to join the feast. He has gone ahead of us and made a way for us to know Him, to procure a life that overshadows all that we could ever covet.  

I am praying that my temporal longings and loves will be replaced with real, deeper, eternal loves.  The McDonalds burger seems really good in the moment but an hour later I am still left with hunger and nothing but fat, grease, and empty calories to show for it.  The good meal is made with better ingredients that can be savored, with real lasting benefits. Our souls crave real sustenance. They will only be satisfied with the true food of the Father’s will.  Let us embrace where we were meant to live and move and have our being.  

When my soul runs in the paths of His commands, there is no room for coveting or jealousy.  My neighbor’s life is not my life, not my story, and it is not any better than mine.  I have too much good before me that I have yet to taste and see. I am where I was meant to be and it is good. This November I want more than gratefulness, I want awe in the One who made me and gave Himself up for me.  He is my chosen portion, good and beautiful, and my soul knows far too little of it.  Lord, make me glad with more of You. Amen.

Your Fellow Sojourner

When Autumn Leaves Start to Fall

       For many people, fall is the most anticipated season of all. Those of us who love the sights, sounds and tastes of fall are in good company.  C.S. Lewis said it was the best of all seasons and I don’t know that I can disagree with C.S.  Autumn, just like the other seasons, is potent with meaning.  We see the changing of the guard, from riotous summer to the quiet retreat of cooler, shorter days. 

     There may be some however who have a bit of a struggle with autumn.  Amidst the beauty and freshness that Autumn brings there is a reminder, a foreboding, that soon death will come.  We will awake one day not to red, yellow, and orange hues but to dull blacks and browns, to barrenness.  Nature’s starkness will mimic their mood and a temptation to descend into their own personal hibernation will come calling.  

An Autumn Morning by Henry Herbert La Thangue 

     I too have points in the year, usually in late summer and late winter, when it feels as if change will never come, that I will be forever stuck in intense heat or cold.  I am watching and waiting for relief from heat and drought or bone chilling cold.  But it is in these moments that I remind myself of what is coming.  Surely the next season will emerge and we will be embraced by a new kind of beauty.  The old will pass and the new will come.  

     These thoughts and emotions that are mirrored by nature can dampen our spirits.  A kind of hardness and cynicism settles in.  We are tempted to put our head between our knees and feel sorry for ourselves.  Why do I have to live in such doom and gloom, will Spring ever come?  

      We forget that we do not live in a world where it is always winter and never Christmas.  We have wandered far from the centuries old truth of the cycle of life. There should be great celebration in the middle of a stark and cold wood because Someone is on the move.  Someone has stepped down from Heaven and He has turned back the clock.  He has begun the reversal of death; life is on the horizon.  

watercolor by Myo Win Ong

      He showed us that in living there must be dying, for only on the other side of death will a greater and fuller life emerge. “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” John 12:23-25   We too must die to live.  It is in the losing of our life that there is great gain.  As we fix our eyes on the greater purpose of letting go in this life, we gain a peace that anchors us for the future.  

     With autumn we see the life of the past year prepare for a time of rest and contemplation.  A preparation for life in the next year is upon us.  Winter will come.  The harsh storms of life will blow, but we can wrap ourselves in the comforting truth that winter will thaw and Spring will come.  

     Let us soak up the beauty of every season, intentionally slowing down along with nature and storing up within ourselves more hope, more knowledge in the coming seasons and of the coming One.  

In Autumnal Anticipation, 

Your Fellow Sojourner