My first baby rocked my world, literally. Jackson came in with Hurricane Floyd and left emotional and physical damage in his wake. I was forever changed. As I sought to regain my footing after the birth of my son, I became a student of what truly mattered, sleep. Sleep is essential for life, and so is peace - therefore, I was in constant search of both. We eventually learned how to live with one another, and the tears became fewer and fewer, for both of us. Peace finally came after the life altering storm of Jackson’s birth.
Parenting will change you. Actually, most close relationships will change you. You learn to bend and give, to let go and hang on. People need people, but people can also be hard to live with.
When the hard and unexpected come in our relationships with our children, we either want to fight or flee, and we usually try both. We want the storm to be over. We want the rest and peace to return. We cannot deny that with children, storms will follow.
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| The Cradle by Berthe Morisot |
I find that as the years fly by, life tends to become very full. My life is overflowing right now, and for that I am eternally grateful. God has blessed me with many people to love and care for. And so, with many relationships, I have had to weather many storms.
One of the hardest and most painful things to endure as a mother are the words and attitudes from our older children that are meant to jab and hurt. We would rather be hurt by sticks and stones than by the stinging words that can never be retracted. What do we do in times when parents and children do not understand one another or even like each other. How can things ever change? Haven’t we been over this same ground before, unearthing old wounds and conflicts? The answer is yes, we have. So, where do we go from here? We just want the storm to stop; we want a life of peace.
Jesus often found himself in the midst of storms that he needed to calm, resolve or ride out. While he walked on earth and interacted with people, he confronted the hard moments with words that were pointed and true, trusting the truth to do its work. He knew that his Father in heaven was in complete control and that every stormy encounter happened for a reason. God was working in the hearts and minds of people. God the Father wanted people to learn how to trust Him, to let go of what they thought would be the answer, but never would be. Jesus would speak the truth, trust his heavenly Father, and wait for God to do His will, His good, perfect and holy will.
But there was one storm that Jesus did not stop. He willingly went to the cross and died a sinner’s death. Christ knew why he had to do what he was sent to do, even though his disciples did not. They tried to understand, but fell short. Even one of his closest friends turned on him, denying he ever knew him. Yet, Jesus stood his ground, knowing that he had to ride this storm out in order to save his people, even the ones who spat in his face. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And then, he gave up his spirit. There was no better thing for him to do, there was no better place for him to go.
After a difficult week with my children, I remembered the words of Christ, “Father, forgive them…for they know not what they do.” My children do not know what they are doing when they come at me with hurtful words. They are sinners, just as I am. They do not see all that their sin is doing, just as I don’t always see all of the effects of own my sin. We are both at fault and we are both in need of the Father’s forgiveness.
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| The Prodigal Son by Rembrant |
As I turn to the Father with my pain, I am reminded that Christ is my example. I need to forgive the one who has sinned against me, for they know not what they are doing. I know that as I forgive them, I am leaving them with their heavenly Father. There is no better thing for me to do, there is no better place for either of us to be. And as I forgive them, I let go of what I think will be the answer. The peace of God drives the storm away.
As we look to the Father for strength to forgive our children, we see where our own sins have been forgiven. In light of such forgiving grace, let us set our faces like a flint and go where the Father sends us. Let us learn to stand our ground in the midst of the storm and speak words of sustaining truth and forgiveness. We will not be put to shame as we watch the peace of God come to our homes.
~ Your Fellow Sojourner
“The Lord GOD has given me
the tongue of those who are taught,
that I may know how to sustain with a word
him who is weary.
Morning by morning he awakens;
he awakens my ear
to hear as those who are taught.
The Lord GOD has opened my ear,
and I was not rebellious;
I turned not backward.
I gave my back to those who strike,
and my cheeks to those who pull out the beard;
I hid not my face
from disgrace and spitting.
But the Lord GOD helps me;
therefore I have not been disgraced;
therefore I have set my face like a flint,
and I know that I shall not be put to shame.”
Isaiah 50:4-7
