I have a friend who likes to say, “Its a Christmas miracle!” Its fun and it makes me smile. But right now I would have to characterize this year as a Christmas whirlwind. I have been on a treadmill of activities.
I really do enjoy Christmas. I love everything about it, the lights, the music, the wonder. But I am fighting fatigue and being overwhelmed with it all.
Eighteen years ago we were expecting my daughter on Christmas Day. It was during that Christmas season that I began to really identify with characters in the Christmas story. Don’t even get me started on what “Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song)” would do to me!
I like to imagine where I would fit into the story. It never grows old for me. It has everything a good story needs. The world in need of rescue, the hopelessness of the downtrodden, the evil king and his minions, angels, prophecies fulfilled, hope realized and newness of life.
This year I feel like the shepherd who never gets a night off or the busy inn keeper’s wife. I have been too busy, too preoccupied. I have been at my wits end, worn out and barely hanging on.
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| Winter Landscape, 1909 (Oil on Canvas), by Wassily Kandinsky |
Somehow I have kept going; the awe and wonder of Christmas is starting to grow for me. Every day small gifts lift my spirit and put a new song in my mouth. Maybe you can relate.
The hug from the woman who is busier than me, the child who is truly thankful for Christmas lights, the words of the Christmas song that speak right to my anxiousness, the beauty all around me, the tin of cookies, the pots of chile, the unexpected show tickets and the babysitting ~ they have all brought me to tears. With every gift of grace I hear the invitation to come and adore Him. I sense someone saying to me, “Hey! Unto YOU a child is born! Come and see Him!” He is the One who orchestrates every good gift and every grace in my life, even the ones that are a part of the hard and difficult.
My mother in law is still fighting cancer, our bank account is still barely making it, my relationships still need work, my heart is learning forgiveness and I need to let go of control. I am very much in need of grace.
So, this year I am not looking at the Christmas story from the eyes of mother Mary or the searching wisemen. I am the anxious and needy one on the periphery. It is uncomfortable, but it has a purpose. In my vulnerability I have an important role to play. I am on the receiving end of grace and it moves me to thanksgiving and praise. Even as I am blessed, I become a blessing. Just as one leper returned to thank his Healer, so I bow my humble spirit before the Healer of my soul and say thank you for every gift. He knows what I need even before I ask Him.
One of the most precious gifts I have received this season came from an old friend I had not seen in a while. She held me and told me that she had nothing but love in her heart toward me. She told me that she was all about healing. As we talked underneath a cold dark sky, God was healing a deep hurt in my heart. The Prince of Peace was bringing life and light to me, with healing in His wings.
So, as the calendar pages continue to turn and Christmas and the New Year approaches, I am giving all of us a gift of grace. Let these words from Jude sink in and let there be peace in your heart today. “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”
Grace and Peace,
Your Fellow Sojourner
