Last week I found some awesome boots in my closet. Shoes do not come easily to me. My left foot is clubbed with zero arch and I have degenerative tendinitis in the same foot. My right knee can be problematic and sensitive as well, due to my favoring it when I walk. For me to find the right shoe is like finding the holy grail of foot wear.
I was hoping the boots still felt good enough to wear. I picked them up and thought, man these feel so soft! I got my foot about eight inches into the boot and stopped. I laughed out loud. They didn’t belong to me! I had forgotten that I had been keeping the boots for a friend that had left them at our home. Her feet are much smaller than mine. Love the boots, but they were not made for me. They look great on her, but they would cause me great physical pain. I could only wear those boots in my dreams.
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| Wet Feet by Jessie Wilcox Smith |
I find myself daydreaming about things I would like to have, things that would make my life so much better. These thoughts are creeping in somehow. Is it because we are living in an age when the image is king? Is it because I have been fighting discontentment for years and I am just so tired of the fight? I am not sure. But I am aware of these thoughts and I don’t like them.
We all long for the peaceful, contented life. We want to live well. In November, we are reminded that we ought to be living the grateful life. We, of all people, should have so much to be thankful for, we are Americans after all. But I am afraid we must face an unpleasant fact, we are a covetous people. We feel that we are missing out somehow. We feel the lack of something, whatever it may be, and it does not feel good.
One of the most centered, peaceful people I have ever known is my grandfather. He moved through life with a peaceful purpose. He had a secret. He had seen difficulty and he had experienced loss yet he wanted to live fully. He was not too interested in what others were doing or what they thought of him. He lived a life that invited others into it. I know it brought him joy when others sought to learn from him. Most of his life could be characterized by the same pattern of work, day in and day out. I didn’t know too much about his devotional life, but I know he had one. He noticed people’s needs and he prayed for them. He read his Bible faithfully. He knew the importance of a gospel community and he was a part of one. He had a center to his life that propelled him forward. I am sure he missed some things in life that he could have and should have done, but he did not live condemned.
I observed dedicated devotion in my grandfather and a peace that ushered forth from it. He wanted other people to live their lives with as much purpose and intent as he did. He liked hearing about your goals and your going after them, your plan. I too want to rejoice in the good things that I am seeing and experiencing around me. I want to focus on all of the good that has been showered down upon me. I don’t want the things of this world to overshadow the real and the good.
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| The Milkmaid by Johannes Vermeer |
We move from blessing to blessing, and from grace to grace, while we miss out on the wonder of life. All of our hardship, pain, and loneliness is just as much a part of our blessings. In times when all we can do is close our eyes, hang on, and pray that we don’t get swept away, our souls are on a learning curve; our metal is being tested.
We have a guarantee that even in the face of death, we shall come out as gold. “now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:6-7.
I saw my grandfather on the day of his final fiery trial, the hottest furnace of all, when we pass from this life into the next. He could not choose how or when he would go, but he had to go, he was compelled to go. He stepped into the fire and felt its heat, but he emerged a changed man. The fire had burned all of the dross away. He was clothed in a righteousness and peace that could not be taken away from him. It was not procured by his own hand or his own obedience, but by the love of his Savior.
Helen Lemmel reminds us that if our souls are weary and troubled and darkness is all around, we need to look at the Savior, where life is more abundant and free. When we are weary, it is to the Word we must go, to His presence, to His song, to His voice. If we do not turn our eyes to Jesus, then we will turn our thoughts to the world. We will be discontent, longing for what is just beyond our reach.
We desire to live beyond what we see and feel here, we want to live in the knowledge that Christ, and all of His goodness, outshines and out gives anything this world could offer. We should not be ashamed of the life that is centered on Christ. All of His promises are yes and Amen. It is in my life with Christ that I find my joy. It is here that my soul returns again for hope, for a fresh baptism into all satisfying truth in the face of Jesus.
I laughed at the hope I had in the cute leather boots. They were cute, but they were fashioned for someone else to wear. We may look at others and see something that we believe will help us to live more fulfilling lives, but we must be careful. We may be longing for something that was never meant for us and it could make us quite ugly. We may be wasting our time and thoughts on something that is not a part of our story, that just won’t work.
Stop and think, what goodness has the Lord been showing you? We can agree with the Psalmist that the Lord has chosen our portion and our cup. Our lot has fallen in pleasant places. Our inheritance is beautiful. We have not gazed enough upon the beauty of the Lord. We have lost the beatific vision that galvanizes us to something greater, to where our hearts belong. Augustine was right, we will be restless until we find our rest in Christ.
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| Christ in the House of Martha and Mary by Johannes Vermeer |
We may not physically see Him, but our hearts love Him. Isn’t it wonderful to run after what our hearts were made for? In Him our souls are secure and we have fullness of joy. Let the world wonder and watch. Let them see us long for and run after the Lover of our souls. We, who have tasted that the Lord is good, and know that we are accepted by God through Christ, are being beckoned to join the feast. He has gone ahead of us and made a way for us to know Him, to procure a life that overshadows all that we could ever covet.
I am praying that my temporal longings and loves will be replaced with real, deeper, eternal loves. The McDonalds burger seems really good in the moment but an hour later I am still left with hunger and nothing but fat, grease, and empty calories to show for it. The good meal is made with better ingredients that can be savored, with real lasting benefits. Our souls crave real sustenance. They will only be satisfied with the true food of the Father’s will. Let us embrace where we were meant to live and move and have our being.
When my soul runs in the paths of His commands, there is no room for coveting or jealousy. My neighbor’s life is not my life, not my story, and it is not any better than mine. I have too much good before me that I have yet to taste and see. I am where I was meant to be and it is good. This November I want more than gratefulness, I want awe in the One who made me and gave Himself up for me. He is my chosen portion, good and beautiful, and my soul knows far too little of it. Lord, make me glad with more of You. Amen.
Your Fellow Sojourner
