I am coming to grips with something slowly but surely, day by day. I have been listening to and believing in wrong voices in my head that have come from so many untrue and utterly false sources - the voices that say "if only... then I would be fine, I could take on the world, nothing would shake me” The problem with this voice, this thought, this revelation is that it is all centered on the wrong thing, the wrong person. The focal point of this thought is me, myself. My satisfaction, my balance, my calmness, my peace, my joy in life will never come wrapped up in layers of self. This is what Christ was telling Mary, and all who have come after her; choose the better thing, choose Me. But to have all of Christ I must let go of all that I am attempting to do, to set right, to aid, to love and trust in what C.S. Lewis and Christ knew, trust in the principle of the best and first over all others. “Seek first the kingdom of God.” Seek Him and all that He is over it all and those good, God given “secondary” things will come too, will be added.
So, once again, I am in awe as God continues to answer the prayers and cries of my heart, to help me to live in the fullness of joy that He intended. He is quieting me, seating me before Him, causing me to stay, to forsake, to let go, to gain what I cannot lose, and letting go of what I cannot keep. All of the planners, calendars, to do lists, phone reminders, sticky notes, books, teacher’s guides, and blogs that I have set above the first and truest source of all knowledge and wisdom, all of these “helps” have crowded my head and dulled my heart. They have crowded out the first and the best. I have gone to cisterns that I have hewn out with my own hands to look for water, for some source of life that will satisfy. And the Lord has let me thirst. He has let all of the wells run dry so that my prayer has increasingly become “I hunger and I thirst for righteousness.” And now I am praying that I will step fully and whole heartedly into the next part of this verse, “they will be filled.” So here is my start…
“Lord, fill me to the fullness of You. When I run to the wells of man made wisdom and I find that the muddied water I have scooped out of the bottom is not what I thought it was, Lord, draw me to Yourself and fill me with more of You. Let me, no cause me, to decrease that You may continually increase. For I truly do not know all that you have planned for those that You love, but I know that it is good and that I will find earth shattering joy in seeing You glorified through this clay vessel You have made. Lord, I believe, help me in my unbelief. To You be all glory and honor and praise for there is none like You. Amen.”
Your Fellow Sojourner
Your Fellow Sojourner
